Next, I interviewed Walter Scheib, who worked as the White House chef for the Clintons (and, briefly, for the second Bushes). Scheib recently published a cookbook memoir, White House Chef, which offers many clues to Hillary's preferences. Had she ever asked for an Oliveburger or Hillaryburger, I asked?
"No, but I always kept Boca Burgers in the freezer," he said, referring to a brand of soy protein patties. "She liked them for snacking." When I obtained some Boca Burgers and pan-grilled them, as directed, they turned out to be miserably limp, grassy-tasting little disks that might have been produced by Rubbermaid.
They are truly disgusting. But I suppose Hillary was trying to eat healthy. Still, not a mark in her favor.
But what about the rest of the candidates?
Barack Obama looks like he hardly eats at all, but that could just be his metabolism. Likewise, I'm already committed to John McCain, but he would lose a smidgeon of my respect if I found out he was a fussy eater. Or one of those pains in the ass who quiz the wait staff about whether the food is trans-fat-free. But I don't imagine that a man who spent five years in the Hanoi Hilton would let a little trans fat get to him. He probably laughs in the face of peanut butter, too.