New phenomenon: Wrap rage

It's what happens when a consumer, unable to open a product, resorts to scissors--or even knives--and ends up injuring himself.

Mona Doyle recently filmed people attempting to open bags of pre-cut lettuce. The tape plays like a bit from the television show "America's Funniest Home Videos." Everybody uses force and torque that would otherwise be reserved for the gym. Either the bag opens suddenly and sprays lettuce all over the floor, or defeat is conceded and scissors or knives are employed.

When Doyle, whose Philadelphia company does research about food and beverage packaging, showed the tape to an audience of produce packers, they chuckled. But Doyle says that belligerent packaging is making consumers spitting mad. They use words "hate" and "difficult" to describe products that seem to be welded shut.

The Brits, who actually keep track of this, estimate that wrap rage has caused 60,000 injuries.

This echoes a story a couple of years ago in which emergency rooms were reporting increased injuries due to incompetent bagel slicing. My first thought then was: Goyim! But it turns out this was actually a good thing, inspiring as it did a new appliance, the bagel slicer, which protected both the bagel industry and the folks who buy bagels.

And now I believe the Brits are on to something. The callous packaging industry wants to put the blame on increasingly enfeebled baby boomers. But I've done the lettuce thingy more than few times, and I'm tired of it. Time to sue. Let's take all the way to the Supreme Court.

Maybe that'll distract them from taking away our property.