Movies we're supposed to love

But actually hate. This post, at About Last Night asked readers for their candidates. It's a pretty good list, though I'm not ready to condemn every movie on the list. Here's what I'd include.

Citizen Kane. Perhaps the most overhyped movie, ever. I had heard about it for years before seeing it. What a crushing disappointment.

The Piano. Pretentious? Check. Boring? Check. Special bonus points for Harvey Keitel's larger-than-life-sized member. I saw this movie around the same time as I saw The Bad Lieutenant--which I also hated, though it doesn't make anyone's "great" list. TBL also featured full frontal Harvey. For months, I felt like I was being persecuted by his penis.

The Crying Game. Jeez, who didn't know she was a he? And then there's the romantic view of the IRA.

The English Patient. In the immortal words of Elaine Benes: "Die already!"

Good Will Hunting. I'm not sure this makes anyone's great list either. But it's trite. And way too convinced of its own worthiness.

Forrest Gump. I suppose I shouldn't include this, since I tried to watch it twice but fell asleep both times so I can't really say that I saw it.

Related: StephenEsque suffers a crushing blow upon seeing this.