Another diet I won't be trying

The Little Black Dress Diet.

Breakfast: A small bowl of oatmeal made with half a cup of oats, half a cup of skim milk and one cup of water -- no salt. One small pot of Yakult, a probiotic drink from Ireland, and a sachet of Beneflora, a food supplement. Both contain beneficial bacteria that aid with digestion.

Translation: The quicker your stomach begins to digest itself, the quicker you'll get rid of that pot-belly.

Lunch: One apple, a generous bunch of grapes, one ripe banana and more hot water with lemon.

Translation: Sucrose + fiber = the runs. See? A flat belly by noontime!

Afternoon snack: Two cups of fennel tea (available in health food stores) and six dates, the semidried variety. Fennel helps eliminate gas and dates are a source of fiber and iron.

Translation: More gas, more bathroom runs.

The Tinkerty Tonk challenge

The Challenge

Behold the pair of size 2 jeans, not so long ago worn with pride by your esteemed blog mistress. The challenge: To fit in those jeans once again. To that end, I will limit my caloric intake and endeavor--gasp--to take regular exercise.

Please note: The size 2 jeans of today aren't the size 2 jeans of yesteryear, rather size deflation has rendered the size 2 jeans of today to approximately the same dimensions as the size 6 of 20 years ago. This is an important distinction as it lets you know that this is no a pie-in-the-sky goal conceived of by a potential anorexic. Rather it is a reasonable goal that can be met with a modicum of self-restraint and--gasp--the taking of regular exercise. I will not, for instance, be using this product.

This, however, will not exactly be a walk in the park. For example, your blog mistress already has a pair of 21st Century size 6 jeans--formerly known as her fat jeans--that, thanks to the miracle of spandex, she can squeeze into but would probably result in extensive damage to her internal organs if worn for any length of time.

So I can't do this alone, people. Here's where you come in:



The solution

Join the Society for the Restoration and Preservation of Rachel Sawyer's Ass (SRPRSA).

SRPRSA is a charity that allows you, the reader, to express your support for this worthy goal. Your donations will be used to help fund pilates classes, to purchase healthy, fresh produce, to buy exercise gear and/or join a gym. Members will get a complimentary subscription to the SRPRSA newsletter, with frequent updates on how close Rachel Sawyer's Ass is to fitting into those jeans. Bloggers: Do your part by downloading the SRPRSA seal and displaying it in a prominent place on your blog with a link to this post.

Members who are interested in starting a local chapter of SRPRSA, please contact me for informational and promotional materials. Want to do more? Organize an SRPRSA walkathon, the money raised can go directly to the Restoration and Preservation of Rachel Sawyer's Ass, while the miles walked will directly benefit your ass. It's a win/win situation.

When Rachel Sawyer's Ass fits comfortably in the above pair of size 2 jeans members will receive a photo of Rachel Sawyer's Ass in said jeans, suitable for framing, to commemorate this great occasion. But SRPRSA will not disband once this goal is reached. Remember this is a society for the Preservation as well as the Restoration of Rachel Sawyer's Ass so the society will not disband until that Ass is defunct. This is a long-term project. Consider including SRPRSA in your will or estate plan.

Disclaimer: We here at SRPRSA believe in following a holistic approach to the problem of Rachel Sawyer's Ass. As such, your donations may also go towards items not directly related to the Restoration and Preservation of Rachel Sawyer's Ass. These may include, but are not limited to: vehicle repairs, a stranded Rachel Sawyer's Ass is not a happy Rachel Sawyer's Ass; life-affirming pedicures; jeans to cover Rachel Sawyer's Ass in the interim; and other items or services as needed.

Obesity: A genetic problem, not an eating problem

Gina Kolata looks at the data.

The message is so at odds with the popular conception of weight loss — the mantra that all a person has to do is eat less and exercise more — that Dr. Jeffrey Friedman, an obesity researcher at the Rockefeller University, tried to come up with an analogy that would convey what science has found about the powerful biological controls over body weight.

He published it in the journal Science in 2000 and still cites it:

“Those who doubt the power of basic drives, however, might note that although one can hold one’s breath, this conscious act is soon overcome by the compulsion to breathe,” Dr. Friedman wrote. “The feeling of hunger is intense and, if not as potent as the drive to breathe, is probably no less powerful than the drive to drink when one is thirsty. This is the feeling the obese must resist after they have lost a significant amount of weight.”