I put my grocery items on the belt and begin an in-depth investigation of the gum on display. Then I hear some sound coming from the direction of the cashier.
"I'm sorry," I say to the pudgy 20-something at the controls, "what did you say?"
A simultaneous sigh and roll of the eye followed by a deep breath: "DO (10 second pause while she inhales to ensure the proper volume, which is just a smidgen below a shout) YOU (10 second pause) WANT (10 second pause) YOUR (10 second pause) MILK (10 second pause) IN (10 second pause) A (10 second pause) BAG?"
"Do you always talk that way to customers?"
Eyes widen to mimic a look of injured innocence. "What?"
"Like I'm a retard. A deaf retard,' I explain. "Do you make it a practice to speak to customers in that tone."
More wide-eyed innocence. "I was just making sure you heard."
"Right. Save that tone for your mother."