May 19, 2007

96 rolls of toilet paper

Since I've been unemployed, I've discovered the joys of BJ's Wholesale Club. I've never shopped at one of these places before. We had a Costco near where I used to live, but I got pissed off when they wouldn't even let me in without a membership card. How am I supposed to know if I want to join if I can't check out the merchandise?

Anyway, BJ's was kind enough to send me a two-month free membership so I dropped in to check out the goods. Day one saw me kind of cautious--I wasn't sure if anything in there was cheaper than the stuff in the supermarket--so I left with a shitload of paper towels and a two-pack of Smuckers All Natural Peanut Butter. And gas. BJ's sells gas 6-10 cents cheaper than the cheap places near me, so that was a must.

Then I got to thinking: Here I am unemployed and taking home half my last paycheck; obviously, it's time to economize. So I stopped in again and picked up a huge pack of Crystal Light Lemonade mix, three and a half pounds of coffee beans and 20 packs of Trident Whitening Gum. As these were all products I used, I felt that they were well worth it.

Today, I needed cleaning products. I'm a sucker for cleaning products and it was all I could do to restrain myself. I managed to make do with only three quarts of dishwashing liquid, enough dishwashing detergent for 150 loads, some Swiffer cloths and the aforementioned toilet paper.

Paper goods and cleaning products seem like good investments. But I had to look around and see what else they had. I needed some foodstuffs. Here's where I knew I had to be careful. I mean, how much mayonnaise can two people eat before it turns to ptomaine? But there were so many temptations: Whole haunches of lamb, smoked salmon by the truckload, 64 ounces of cashew nuts. I consider myself lucky that I left with only a 4-pack of assorted mustards, we do need mustard; 64 ounces of raspberry preserves, to go with all that peanut butter; two pounds of sliced swiss cheese; and a three-pack of Hebrew National Hotdogs.

I'm gonna go broke saving all this money.

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