Fat? It's not your fault

Someone should have warned you.

So now I know. It’s taken me until this weekend to discover the real reason that I’m two stones heavier than I should be. There I was, thinking it was because for most of my adult life I ate too much and took no exercise.

What a relief to discover — from the Public Health Minister, no less — that it’s not my responsibility. When I stuffed that extra piece of rye bread in my mouth this morning, I wasn’t to blame. The man with whom I need to remonstrate is the chap who sold me the loaf and didn’t point out that if I eat too much of it I’ll get fat. As for the waiter who let me eat two pieces of cheesecake when I went out for my 14th birthday and never once told me to be careful; there’s a 28-year grudge I ought to bear.