Countdown to "24"

I can't wait.

This new season of "24" taught me many things. Firstly, in the world of "24," Muslims have it pretty bad, as they're either terrorists or borderline Uncle Toms. But on the bright side, African-Americans have it pretty good on the racial ladder. Secondly, I learned that the entire national security apparatus talks in intense whispers, even when ordering takeout. And thirdly, regardless of whether you care to see a reflection of our nation in the mirror of one of its most popular dramas, explosions remain, as always, extremely cool. Will Jack Bauer deliver us from Armageddon? Or will the Republic fall into terrorist-inspired anarchy? Tune in, prepare to tune in again and again, and ask yourself: What have you done in the past 24 hours?