What's God been up to lately?

Simon Doonan:

Matters reached a crescendo recently when Star Jones Reynolds, after prematurely auto-ejaculating from The View, claimed to have reached her decision to do so “after much prayer and counsel.”

This stunningly illuminating statement clarified things for those of us who have been wondering what God has been up to lately. Upon reading Star’s quote, we plunked down our newspapers, we reached for our loved ones and held them close, and we declaimed, “So that’s what God has been doing! He’s been helping a jolly talk-show lady.”

Instead of calming the insurgency in Iraq or easing the plight of the refugees in Darfur, He’s been guiding Star Jones Reynolds through the vicissitudes of her showbiz career. Instead of dealing with China’s apocalyptic pollution problem, He is helping Star stiffen the sinews and summon the blood for her clash with Barbara Walters, a woman who has successfully managed to convince many people—myself included—that she might actually be God.