May 27, 2006

The American bagel eater

Is sick. Sick I tell you. I decided to indulge in a little carbo loading today--gotta get in shape for hitting the sales tomorrow--and went to Panera bread for some bagels. Panera bagels aren't bad--they're not that good either--but outside a 10-mile radius of NYC bagel, standards must be lowered.

As I searched the bagel menu for something edible, I was appalled by the selection: Blueberry bagels, Cinnamon Crunch with vanilla chips, an abomination called the Morning Glory with raisins, carrots and brown sugar. One might be able to dismiss these disgusting concoctions as the fevered work of an overly "sophisticated" culinary school grad desparate to make a name for himself.

But the people have bought into it.

As I was waiting for my order to be filled, I had occasion to hear what my fellow bagel buyers were ordering. Did they opt for the traditional plain or sesame? They did not. To a man, they were ordering Cinnamon Crunches, Morning Glories, even Dutch Apple and Raisin.

It's no wonder the radical Islamists have us pegged as a decadent society.

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