Mar 27, 2006

The real housewives of Orange County

If Orange County is still the hotbed of Republicanism that we've been led to believe then the housewives are the anti-Crunchy Cons, denizens of a gated community who believe in better living through botox.

The problem with The Real Housewives of Orange County is that the makers of the show go out of their way to show us how grotesque these women are. It's sort of an opportunity for us to sneer. Now I don't object to sneering at my fellow man, but the show's such a put up job.

Kimberly, the 40-something "classic trophy wife"--though I though most trophy wives were about half her age--is shown going to pilates classes, chauffering her children back and forth and meeting the girls for drinks. Thanks to assiduous workouts, she's got a great body that's made even better (in her opinion) by increasing her bust size from 32B to 32D at the request of her husband.

The creepiest housewife is Jeana. Jeana's actually allowed herself to get fat, which appears to be a rarity among her peers. A former Playboy Playmate who's married to a former major league pitcher, Jeana's husband and mother-in-law chose her because of her "genetics." Apparently they thought she'd be able to give birth to a third-generation major league baseball player. On the episode I saw, her son was accepted into the minor leagues in the 36th round of the draft. Mission accomplished!

The saddest housewife is Laurie. She's no longer a housewife, which is the problem. As the result of a divorce she's been forced to get a job and more out of her gated community and into a townhouse: "I've moved from 4,500 square feet to less than 2,000." With her long face,prominent chin and improbable boobs, Lauri looks more like a female impersonator than an actual woman. Apparently that doesn't stop her from being a frequent guest at the Playboy mansion. During the episode I saw, Lauri's 20-year-old daughter moves in. She'd been living in LA, but she quit her job and now wants her own room in the space deficient townhouse that Laurie's already sharing with her two younger children. Mother and daughter have the same below-the-shoulder hairstyle and wear the same clothes. Daughter (I forget her name) has discovered that working for a living sucks; she hopes mom will let her move in and she'll be able to carry on with life before she had to earn a living. Mom hopes daughter will be the live-in babysitter she needs so she can go clubbing at night.

Grotesque? You betcha! Surely there are residents of Orange County who haven't been botoxed within an inch of their lives? Maybe there are some who want their kids to go to college and have careers? You'd never know it from this show.


Anonymous said...

This entire show is full of over-pampered, narcissistic, bitches. In a recent commercial, the girls (ha, they are old prunes) go to a racetrack. Some blonde bimbo is sitting on a sofa and, in an "I wanna sound like I am twenty" voice, she says "Whatever". Just that one word made me want to rip her extensions out of her head. That show is completely worthless and Bravo should be ashamed of themselves for promoting and showing it.

Anonymous said...

The one I hate is that ugly bitch ( and I mean inside and out) Vicki!!! UGH!!! She thinks she is the mama dog as they referred to themselves on the show 1-20-09, well, she got that right... The Mama Bitch!!! Whenever someone new joins their little circle, she takes it upon herself to bash them for whatever reason she sees fit, as if she's perfect, yeah, she's a perfect ASS!!! I don't see why someone has not smacked her across her PIG face when she is giving some of her un-asked for opinions, we all know what opinions are like,(ASSHOLES) and, she is a giant one! I can't stand her! Why does her husband stay with her? I'm sure he could do better. Her kids act embarrassed of her, her own mom seemed to be annoyed by her, she's a LOSER!!! That attitude of hers would get her knocked the hell out if she tried that crap with me. She's so obviously jealous of the girls who are younger and look better than her, and, when someone new shows up the hairs on her bitch back immediately get raised, she never just gives someone a chance, she just automatically doesn't like you because you aren't part of her old circle. Lynne should have bitch slapped her the she talked to her, and, Gretchen, she is obviously jealous of her for obvious reasons, she's young, pretty, nice, and, "she" has a personality! Get over yourself Vicki... No one likes you, they tolerate you, why, I don't know, they all make fun of you and, talk about you. Everyone just keeps quiet, and, talk about you behind your back so they don't have to deal with your shit!!!