An alternative ending for Brokeback Mountain

Have the boys move to Manhattan and open a hair salon.

Those of you who are recoiling at the cheesiness of this alternative dénouement clearly have no idea just how much money—much of it CASH!—is to be made in the world of hair. Manhattan chippies think nothing of paying $200 to get their roots touched up. Japanese straightening? If you want it to look halfway decent, you’re not going to get away with paying less than $500 a shot. Ennis’ pesky monthly child support would easily be covered by a couple of his Saturday-afternoon tips!

Through product-licensing deals—think Jonathan Antin or Sally Hershberger—our cowboys could pocket enough money to buy Brokeback Mountain and turn it into a Western-themed clothing-optional resort.