How not to get a job

Academic losers. A sample:

Some candidates arrive in pilled, frowsy sweaters and untied sneakers so we will know that they're true intellectuals. Others wear low-cut, tight dresses to keep our attention away from their presentations. One hollow-cheeked fellow wore a dark raincoat like a flasher during his entire interview. I confess I felt deflated when the climax never happened. The man who moved robotically from wall to wall like a machine shuttle and the woman whose braying voice almost blew us through the back window must have been speaking words or even sentences, but I was too busy clutching at my sanity to grasp their messages.