Reality bites

Gene Simmons, of Kiss fame, visits an English boarding school to do a reality TV show, and is lambasted on the school's blog.

Over the following weeks, Gene, as some female staff simperingly called him, strode around school with his dyed bouffant blowing in the wind, posing for shots with bewildered pupils. You can see the sunglasses in the photo above – but are they a fashion accessory? Not at all, they hide the aged, wizened holes that used to be eyes. Poor Gene. In a school debate, he extolled the virtues of money worship and boasted of his “4136 sexual conquests”, and you could tell that even his PA hated his saggy chin and implanted hair. His own mother probably doesn’t even like him. Thanks to the cast-iron self belief that the man actually had something interesting to preach from Stateside, the posturing continued for hours in a constant stream of verbose twaddle. Yes Gene, we have people like you in Britain too. They are locked away and given a healthy dose of medication.